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Journal

A Bible, a Journal, and a Six Shooter Gun

Alicia Smith

The few things I’ve turned to for answers in my life:

The Bible… I was raised on and have come to find my own personal faith in Jesus Christ.

My Journal… Given to me by my friend Jessica as a Christmas gift 4 years ago.

A Gun…

All theses items sit in the top drawer of my bedside stand.

Just like everyone else in life, I’ve been through struggles and have tried to find a way to channel my pain. I don’t have an addictive personality so the form of relief constantly changes. The Bible keeps me focused. My journal keeps me from being in denial about anything if I’m having to spell it out on paper and a gun is for protection.

My journal has many details about my past relationships. I haven’t felt driven to write anything in the last few months. I’m sure I’ll play catch up soon. Not that my grandchildren (If I even have children someday) would be interested in hearing about their old grandma’s drama. Ha Ha Ha

Being raised on the Good Word has kept the gun facing the direction it was designed for. I named my gun, Irony. Luckily, I’m writing this so that means the Word has had more pull than the trigger on any gun I’ve owned.

The song I wrote about the “Midnight Train” is a true story. It’s about me.

My family and friends in Florida remember the story of “Suzie Parks”. I’ve made my mistakes. I have been Baker Acted. Which in legal terms means, the doctor has the authority to refuse civil rights to their patient if they feel the patient can bring harm to them self. Worst day of my life when I was 20 years old. I’ll always regret allowing anxiety and frustration get the better of me. Never again. Irony hits hard when all you want is to live without suffering but almost die in trying to find relief.

The gun has played a critical part in my depressions (several times). The devil tried his hardest in Chattanooga hahaha… but couldn’t even win with alcohol on his side paving a fatal way.

I’m writing this with no shame. I know everyone has felt similar pain. That’s probably why I channel my emotions through a medium that can reach others in the best way= Music   

The reason for all of this personal exposure is to reflect on what I’ve overcome. Why I chose certain resources of relief over others? We all must learn like a human was built to do. I will be something bigger than the stories in my journal, the gun that never went off, and the vain religion that has no depth. I can be stronger than my weakest moments. Pages will still turn and a gun will never look me straight in the eye again. My life is more than the pain I have suffered… it’s the beauty of everything in it that has the power to cause the suffering.

From the heart,

Alicia

“Any new business wants to hire a CEO who has failed and overcome. That way the CEO can see trouble within their company when it draws near. Other than a CEO with a clean slate who has yet to blunder”- Unknown